Drunk

Sorry I haven't updated in so long, but here's a nice story.

We were having a family dinner at my house but I wasn't going to be there until 6:15, when I was done work. So when I walked in, everyone cheered and yelled my name. It was obvious most of my family members were completely drunk. Here's some highlights of the evening.

-My uncle was laughing so hard that he drooled/spit on the kitchen counter. My aunt stood next to him laughing un-controllably and pointing at him.

-Somehow we started talking about condoms and jokingly i was like "CONDOMS SUCK!" and my uncle cheers'd me for saying that. He was basically cheersing me for EVERYTHING I said.

-My mom was getting dessert and went to steal my aunts chair. My aunt pulled the chair quickly, just as my mom was sitting down. She landed on the floor, the dessert going EVERYWHERE. Everyone was laughing so hard. My uncle even got up and took a picture of my mom with his black berry. Later on my aunt found pie in her purse.

-I was eating my hamburger and started choking. My uncle, instead of helping me, said "Chew jessica, it's not a boy."

-My uncle rocked out on my brothers drum set, throwing the drum sticks in the air and trying to catch them.

-Same uncle walked around for 10 minutes trying to find his coat, not even sure if he brought his coat. It was on the ground, right in front of him. He also searched our house for his empty case of ginger ale. 

Boobs

My aunt and uncle came over to see the new house tonight. I was giving my aunt a hug goodbye and she said "Titty bump". Awkward. Then my dad proceeded to tell us that we had the biggest boobs in the family. "Biggest pairs", as he put it. My family is really awkward.

Ugh

Basically, this blog has failed. I'm going to continue writing in it, but not every day. I guess after I had a story, I'll tell it here. 

Hangover

This isn't really a story. It's more of just something my dad does all the time. If i mention that I have a headache or i'm not feeling so hot, he'll ask if I'm hungover. If I answer yes, then he'll yell really loud, just to piss me off and make things worse. He'll do this to my friends as well.

Special Gameboy

This happened ages ago, on our way home from a family reunion. My mom, brother and i , were riding with my uncle, aunt and two cousins, Kyle and Brittany. It was extremely hot in the truck and my brother decided to put the window down a crack. My mom told him to put it back up, with this , he put it down some more. My mom threatened him and told him to put it back up. He then put it down some more. Finally my mom told him, if he put it down anymore, he would blow right out the window. He finally put the window back up. After a while, he tried to put it down but it wouldn't work. My uncle noticed he was trying and was like "What the hell john! ! you broke my window!!!" My brother was scared and started telling him how sorry he was and he didn't mean to. My uncle had just locked the window and tricked my brother. On the same ride home, my brother had declared that his game boy was special. Ten minutes later, he dropped it and told us "my game boy isn't special anymore :(". 

Relay for Life

This story is dedicated to Ben.

Anyways, this takes places about, oh 2 years or so ago. It was mid July and I was dating Benjamin. My parents had invited him to join us for Relay for life, which he promptly did so and wore one of my t-shirts from the year before hand (Still have the family picture of us all). Anyways, We were at Relay for Life and it was getting fairly late and chilly out. I believe we had just finished eating Pizza. I was wrapped in a blanket AND had a sweater on. I asked Ben if he was cold and he told me no. Only minute later, He asked if he could have my sweater because he had gotten cold. My uncle, who had his back to us and was completely wrapped up in a sleeping bag, randomly said "Fucking wuss.." and then that was it. Ben and I laughed so hard at this because it was completely out of no where. 

Note: I posted to stories today because I probably won't get a chance to update tomorrow, since i'm moving. 

Titty Bar

This is another Kyle story. We were on our way back from a punk show. It was Devin, Kyle, Leanne, Daniel and myself. Kyle, Daniel and I were seated in the back. Kyle was completely wasted and wouldn't stop babbling. Here's how one of the conversations went:

"Deeeeviiiiiiin, can we go to a titty bar?"

"No kyle.."

"Titty bar! Titty bar! Titty bar!"

"No!"

"Devin, turn left, left...left...LEFT! Ok, so you missed that titty bar, but don't worry... there's another one on the left coming up."

"....."

"Devin, it has come to my attention that you have passed the Titty bar, yet again."

"We're not going..."

"FINE!"

And with this, Kyle went on about other things. Swearing his head off about different things and just ranting. Then he decided he was hungry and we made a pit stop at Wendy's.

"Jessica, can you buy me a hamburbur?"

"A what?"

"Hamburbur..."

"Hamburger?"

"HAM-BUR-BUR!"

"uh ok."

I then purchased Kyle a "Hamburbur", which to this day, he still says.